Tenth Anniversary

This one was from November of last year.  But I just now learned how to post it :)

Firecrackers

OK..so in keeping with the Fourth of July theme, I thought it was time to talk a little bit more about the amazing fireworks going on around here.

Last week we went to some friends for a cookout and some fun. I must admit I was a little anxious about what would happen if we heard/saw any loud bangs. In the past, The Boys have not reacted well to fireworks. But I thought, we're in a neighborhood, and it's still light outside...so the odds are, no one will be shooting off boom and sparkle things until my boys have fallen asleep...

Yes, I can hear you all laughing at me now.

As fate would have it, while we were in the back yard, a neighbor lit off a nice little bang and sizzle, that shot up 50 feet in the air.

A loud 'POP'..and a bright shower of lights in the twilight. And my gaze immediately shifted from the lights, to The Boys.

Myles had galloped over to where the noise was, and as he saw the lights, he shouted "A Parade !!!". Superman Sam was in a fine position to be surprised, and he too began giggling and squealing with joy.

MY BOYS LIKE FIREWORKS !!!

Of course, we HAD to try the sparklers next. Myles did a tremendous job reaching out for one, and holding it...smoking and spitting sparks all over him. And then did it a 2nd time !!

The neighborhood began to erupt with fireworks as the light faded, and The Boys enjoyed ever single minute of it.

And I enjoyed every single minute of them. RAOC.

Holding my Breath

I do it often, you know...hold my breath. Is that normal? Is that typical? In the moment of decision, how do react? Do you charge into the situation, head first? Do you stand back cautiously, evaluating every possible outcome?

Or do you wait, hoping that what you have done in the past...what you have prepared for, will be enough? Do you ever catch yourself holding your breath?

Sometimes, I feel almost hypocritical. I want The Boys to react appropriately to certain scenarios. I believe they are learning and improving at a rapid rate. But when the situation presents itself, I find myself wanting to jump in...to do it because (gasp) maybe I think they won't be able to do it?

Last week, we went to the Farmers Market in town. Rows of beans and tomatoes and okra and apple butter. Where there is no air condition, only the breeze and the occasional ceiling fan.

And The Boys (yes..I always capitalize that) did outstanding! We walked through and picked out our vegetables. And then we all waited in line very patiently to check out.

When it was our turn, we stepped up to counter and placed all the fresh goodies on the scale. The very nice man looked down at Myles and said: "Hi, how are you today?"

OK...stop right there....a stranger asked my special son an open-ended question, in a environment he has never before encountered. Does this set off ANY alarm bells to other parents out there???

I mean : "Sir, he's doing great...thank you for asking about him." Or: "Myles, can you look at the nice man and tell him how you are feeling today?" Or ANYTHING that I could possibly do to make this social situation easier for him.

Was what we did in the past enough to prepare him for this? Was it right? Because...these situations have not always gone well and I don't want to look like a bad parent but I don't want to look over-protective either and I mean is it really all about me anyway and am I breathing because it feels like I'm holding my breath ???

And then Myles looks up at the nice man and says: "I'm doing fine. How are you today?"

And I take a breath.

It's gonna be O.K.

I'm feeling Happy !!

So this Random Act actually started about a year ago. It's about Myles and his feelings.

Like all toddlers, Myles had trouble expressing his feelings. Not really sure what "Happy" or "Sad" was all about, Myles was often confused about how he felt in certain situations.

The Joyfulness taught Myles to say "I'm feeling Happy", or "I'm feeling frustrated" and that went a long way in helping him identify his emotions.

Every day for the last year (at least) I have arrived at the house to hear Myles say "Dada's home!!" And we start our ritual:

"Hi, Myles. How are you feeling?" I say.

He smiles his big toothy grin and says "I'm feeling HAPPY !!"

And I say "I'm happy too, buddy!"

Every time I have come home, for the last year (at least).

Every time.


Except this last time.

As usual, I come home, walk in the door, and Myles comes running in, all smiles. And I guess I was preoccupied or something and I didn't immediately start into my spiel.

Myles says, "Hi Dad!"
"How are you feeling?"

(Long pause from the Dada with the lump in his throat).
"I'm feeling Happy, Myles."

Myles says, "I'm happy too!"

Yeah, Myles....you're my right-hand man. (RAOC)

Imagination

Imagination. Creative play. Thinking outside of the box. Day-dreaming. These are typical kid things. Who hasn't played with Hot Wheels in the dirt or brushed Barbie Doll hair? Or run over said Barbie Doll with your Hot Wheels in the dirt? I mean, that's just what "play" is all about.

For my son Sam, imagination comes in spurts. I see it more every day, and it takes my breath away.

Like the other day when I saw him play with a toy airplane in the backyard. As he swirled it around his head, I could hear him saying "Brrrmm, Brmmm".

And most recently, I caught him at the dining room table with a candle.


OK, not a real candle, but one of those battery powered tea lights that flicker in a votive jar. It even has a realistic looking flame that comes out of it.

Anyway, there's Sam with this flickering "candle" in his hands, and he starts singing:


"Happy Birfday to you...Happy Birfday to you....Happy Birfday, Happy Birfday...Happy Birfday to you.

Then Sam puffs and puffs and "blows" out the battery powered candle, simultaneously flicking off the switch. And the candle goes out.


Please excuse me why I enjoy this Random Act of Cool.

Like I said...Takes my breath away.

Constant Amazement

I don't often get the chance to drop the kids off at school. I am usually already at work, or it is my day off and I take it easy, letting the Joyfullness do the work. I confess, those mornings are somewhat peaceful and I know she enjoys taking The Boys to school to see the teachers.

But I don't hate the school, don't get me wrong. I rather enjoy the times I get to drop Myles and Sam off. With Myles, it is usually the car pool lane. We pace through the line, he gets his backpack on, the van door slides open, and my right-hand man jumps out into the real world.

Alright...I'll admit this transition doesn't always go so smoothly. But it is true that he is my right-hand man. In fact, Myles will not hold my other hand. He absolutely insists on holding ONLY my right hand. And that's O.K. with me.


Sam's drop off is a little bit slower paced. I get out, open the van door, kneel down, and he jumps on my back for a piggy-back ride into class. (Hey, I can still get away with this for a little while longer...he's only in preschool!)

Every school day since last September, Sam has been expected to follow the same routine: Open up the classroom door, take his folder out of his bag and place it in a collecting bin, then put his bag in his "cubbie". The he goes and picks his name out of a box and puts it next to his picture (his way of signing in).

And pretty much every time I have dropped Sam off, he has needed guidance on these tasks, remembering what to do next.

So, the most recent time I dropped him off, all the teachers were busy with other children, and I knew the best thing to do would be to help Sam with the morning routine, to start his day.

And so, once again, I guided him to pull out his folder and put it in the box, then put his bag in his cubbie. Then it was off to "sign-in".

"Sam, pull your name out and put it next to your picture". Sam just stood there smiling. "Come on, Sam. You can do it. Is this your name?" I said, as I pulled out some random child's name.

"Alisha" he said.

And he was right.

Hmm...I wonder if he knows any of the other children's names? Or was that just luck? I pulled out another one:

"Conner" he said.

Another one:

"Leslie" he said.

And again...and again...and again, until Sam had looked at every child's name and said it out loud, showing me that he knew all the children in his class, and what their names looked like.

And the last name: "Sam, who's name is this, I said?"

"Sam", he said. And he put his name next to his picture. (RAOC)

Now, the Joyfullness says this has actually been going on for quite sometime, but as I said at the beginning, I don't often get to take The Boys to school.

I read somewhere that most of us go through life half-asleep. But there are a few of us who are always wide awake, fully aware of every detail.

And they are in constant amazement.

.

"Why Not?"

So, last week, Myles was visiting Ya-Ya's house for Mother's Day. At one point he got mad at something, and hit the wall. It knocked a Hummel plate off and it shattered. Myles was so upset, and he said "I'm so sorry!", "This is all my fault!".

Now, you have to know the reality behind the story. Myles was repeating what he heard from a Winnie-the-Pooh Movie. It's a symptom of autism known as "Echolalia", where the child repeats things over and over because they sound soothing to him.

So, in the past, they have just been words. But in this situation, Myles used the sentence in it's appropriate context. And it's not the first time. It's not a coincidence. Day by day, he is communicating with us more.





Today was not my day. I haven't been feeling my best today, and it is those days when you really see how much your children like to be with you. It seems that there was nowhere I was that The Boys didn't want to be.

And as I sat in my misery on the back porch, Myles came up and asked me to jump on the trampoline. And I had to say "No, I cannot." Myles walked away, a little sad. Standard conversation between me and my son. He asks a question, I respond, and that is the end. A lot of times I have not known if Myles really understands me or not.

But today, instead of walking away, Myles turned around. And he said:

"Why Not?".

As in, I said "No", and he said "Why?".

I know what your thinking, do I really wanna go there? I mean, isn't that a parent's worst fear? The day your child first questions your reasoning.

But for us it is a blessing. Again, it means he is communicating. Not echoing, but actually seeking to understand the "why" in what is said and done.

I mean, that is the whole point in everything we are doing with our children. Whether or not they have special needs. And when they question you, and your motives, I would challenge you to stay away from the "Because I said so" phrase.

Why would you care to explain yourself?

Why Not?

Mercury is closest to the Sun, Mercury is planet One...

And so begins the Solar System song. The one we have been singing around here for the last year. Myles first became fascinated with the planets from watching Little Einsteins on Playhouse Disney. There he learned his song and the order of the planets. Of course the song still has Pluto as planet number nine.

I'm not sure if you are aware, but the scientists decided back in 2006 that Pluto wasn't really a planet. They have since classed it as a "Dwarf" planet. (I know...it's still called a planet...confusing).

Anyway, Myles has books and posters and flashcards of all the planets. And with all this attention given to Myles, little did we realize that someone else in the household was learning too!

Sam knows his planets! Actually, Sam doesn't say "Saturn" or "Mercury"...he calls out their number order.

Yeah, I know what your thinking: It's easy to say "One, Two, Three, Four..." But I didn't say he calls them out in order.


The Joyfullness shows him a picture of a planet, and he tells her what number it is !!


Quick...what number is Uranus. How 'bout Saturn? You had to think a minute didn't you? But Sam sees the picture and says the order, no matter which order.

And that's cool !!!

2RMine

2 years ago, on April 17th, 2008, My son Samuel was diagnosed with autism. 3 months later, my son Myles was diagnosed with autism. I don't like to capitalize that word. It makes it too important. I like to capitalize "Florida" or "Tennessee". I like to capitalize "The Steelers". I like to capitalize "Banana Split" and "The Bible".

I don't capitalize autism.

Don't get me wrong. I know it matters. I know it influences my day to day operations. But it is not the most important quality that identifies "The Boys".


Last week, Sam brought Joy a DVD with no pictures, just words on it. He said "I want Wee-Poo". Yeah, you guessed it...It was a Winnie the Pooh Movie.

Myles asked Joy "Would you like to play with my trains?". It was the first time he has asked her to imagine play with her. Ever.

And when they were in the backyard, Myles hollered out "Sammy, be careful!", then ran to the slide and helped him climb up it backwards (oh, like you never did that as a kid !?)

We recently went on a walk to support autism research. And we saw other families there. And yeah...OK...it is important. Research leads to answers which leads to a cure. We all know that.

But 'The Boys" are not defined by autism. They are defined by smiles, dirt, trains, spaghetti.

The are defined by Love.

One in 110 are diagnosed with autism.

We are Once in a Lifetime

Played a game with Sam tonight before bed. I say "I"...then he says "love"...then we both say "YOU". And there is much giggling afterwards. I confess, I didn't come up with this game, the Joyfulness started it. But again, it is great to see Sam interacting with us so well.

Speaking of interacting, check out the dude helping me and PawPaw with the dishwasher.

Myles has been quite the daddy's little helper lately. Today he helped me bag leaves and rake and...yes, that's right....raking leaves in April. I have 4 oak trees and they are very big, OK?

Anyway...back to Myles. He has also taken to using my tools. He especially likes the table saw and nail gun....I'm just KIDDING! But he does like the screwdriver, and the pliers, and the mallet. And somehow he mixes that with cars, and animals, and trains. I'm totally loving the "imaginative" play.

You know, sometimes I wish I had a little Polaroid (am I dating myself?), so that I could take snapshots of moments with my family. Do you ever find yourself looking at the ones you love and just going "click". As the song goes "It's no accident we're here...we are once in a lifetime".

I challenge you this next week to take some pictures with your Polaroid eyes. If you look around you will see the moments. With your children or with the ones you love.

Just remember to say "click".

Sam at the Children's Science Museum. Wish i could have been there. Good to see him so inquisitive.






Who doesn't like a good wind tunnel ??

You rock Sam !!!

Update

Ok, so...it's been a while. And I have used far to many excused about staying away. I think I am still recouping from the holidays. Ok...not a good excuse. The pressure of updating daily? Hmm...maybe. I think we will shoot for once a week. So every Sunday morning, my friends should be able to get an update on my family.

Also, I think I have be come too accustom to the RAOC in my life. And that's just not right! There has been so many things going on these past few months, it is hard to know where to start. But I will start with Sam.

I am being just absolutely blown away with Sam's progress on his verbal skills. A quick recap: We didn't know for sure if Sam was going to have any vocabulary (check that...WE knew, some doctors didn't). When he finally did begin to say a few words, it seemed that he was not progressing.

Example: Sam would say "I want Book.", when he wanted a book, when he wanted a drink, when he wanted to play, when he wanted to eat." Etc.

But in the last few weeks, Sam has started making the connection: "I want drink".

OK, OK, we're not talking Shakespeare here. But bottom line, He is TALKING !!!

And then there is Myles, who had a tough go at school last fall. He has since switched classes, and has a somewhat slower pace. And what a difference it has made. Teacher says he has great hand-writing, and uses the scissors exceptionally well. Myles is beginning to say some spontaneous questions like "Play with me" and "I would like a blanket".

Yes, there is still much prompting. But the other day I caught myself outside with Myles having a CONVERSATION. I think we were talking about our favorite foods.

So here's the deali-o: My boys have exceptional talents and exceptional challenges. But everyday they are showing us random acts of cool.

Don't over look the things your children do. What may seem ordinary to you, is extraordinary to my family.

More next week !!

Men of Steel

I am Superman. I have overcome obstacles that were insurmantable. I talk now, though not alot. When I say something it is important. I try harder than other children, because it does not come easy for me. But I am Superman. I have the will to try new things, new foods, and new textures.

I am not scared of anything (except maybe the noise of the food processor). I see the world differently than you do. I look at things in a different angle. I do not see the world in typical fashion. I am Superman. I give tremendous hugs that last an infinite amount of time, and I will kiss you and say "I love you", if you ask me too. The doctors thought it may not happen, but I am Superman.

And every day I get stronger. This world is not my home and if you lived the life I live, you would be a better person. I take nothing for granted. I enjoy everything I see and touch and smell. And I will never be typical, I will never be ordinary. I am Superman.

I am Superman. I have no limits. I write numbers and letters, and can read. I am smart. I know my planets and can sing my ABC's backwards. I remember everything I read. I love cars and trucks and animals and dinosaurs and pizza and apple juice and Impressionist Art.

I am no different than anyone else. I will always be different from everyone else. I have no fear, except maybe spiders.

I play hard, I jump on the trampoline. I love to wrestle and I will laugh at you after I pin you. And then I will help you up. One day I will be a leader of men. I am Superman...

I want to ride my bicycle

Balance...check

Hand Eye coordination....check

problem solving...check

muscle development....check

Hope for tommorrow....double CHECK !!!

Hope

A lot has been going on around here lately. We started school and Myles has been learning the ropes at Kindergarten. Sam is still in preschool, but he also has lots to learn. The teachers are pushing our boys to be better and we so appreciate it.

There have been so many little (huge) random acts this month it is hard to focus on just one thing. Myles has struggle some with behavior issues, but his academics have excelled. He is doing great at writing his name, his numbers, and his letters.


He likes so many new things: The planets (you know there's only eight now??). Books and cars and trains are things he has always enjoyed, but he doesn't get "fixated" on any one thing.

Sam has been much more receptive verbally. He is really interested in his shapes now, and can even say their names. He gets excited when he sees familiar faces and will say "Hi" and "Bye" when prompted.

So my random act of cool right now is what my boys have given me: Hope. And they give it to me daily.

End of Summer

OK, OK, so it's not really the end of summer just yet. But both boys are back in school now, and it is starting to cool off a little here. That doesn't mean you can't still have a little fun in the pool though.





What I like most about this photo is that it shows my boys actually playing together and liking it. I know...I'll use this as blackmail later. For a long time, it was hard to get the boys to interact without us suggesting it. This summer we have definitely seen an improvement in that.

Whether it is wrestling, or hugging or just making each other laugh...those are things we don't take for granted. When we see those things happen.....randomly.....well, that's just cool.

School Day

So today was the first day of kindergarten for Myles. I don't think the poor guy new it was coming. But he did fine. As far as I know. I mean, I didn't get any calls at work. And they said he can come back tomorrow.

Seriously, he is in an excellent class and has a very experienced teacher. He will be focusing a lot on "playing well with others". Sounds like a class I could use..

Joyfullness said that Sam did excellent at preschool. He went right in, gave mom a kiss and a wave good-bye, and started playing. He seemed very happy to be back at school. And the teachers liked having him. I mean, he is the cutest kid in the class.

Amen

What he's singing:

"My God he was, my God He is, My God is always gonna be.

My Savior lives, my Savior loves, my Savior's always gonna be..."

(with apologies to Aaron Shust)




What the video didn't catch...Sam started trying to sing the song too. I'll try and catch that for you later. That's the prob with Random Acts...sometimes I don't get it on film...I have to take a mental snapshot, and just remember it !!

Piece by Piece

Sometime it really seems like a puzzle. A puzzle piece is the symbol for autism awareness, didn't you know? The last few days have been difficult with Myles. It seems like nothing we say gets through to him. I have been working a lot this week, and finally had the chance to spend a little one on one with Myles. Like most children, Myles craves attention. And he will use whatever means to get it.

The symbol for autism is a puzzle piece. But it is not a missing piece. We have all the pieces we need for Myles and Sam. And they are showing us the picture to put it together.

Piece by....

Myles and his first 100 piece puzzle (with a little help from mommy)

a little dirt

What is "Appropriate Play"? And who determines that? My experience as a father has been a different lesson than what most men learn. Teaching The Boys (yes, I always capitalize that) what is meant by appropriate play must first include teaching them what is not appropriate.

It is not appropriate (hate that word by the way) to look at the UPC on the back of books. Nor is "play" looking at a spinning wheel, or reflective material, or pushing a video cassette box around with your foot. And though it makes a little boy feel better to do those things...as a father...my job is to teach them...."Play".

By the way, I stink at this job. First I had to relearn "Play" myself. And what better way than with Hot wheels cars and dirt. Simple, really.

Take a bare spot in the yard, a spoon or butter knife, and carve out some roads. What boy could resist?

And he couldn't !!! And that is my Random Act.

Now...go enjoy playing with your children !!!